Sunday, August 22, 2010

Any advice on an unhappy mrriage?? I love my hubby but i am out of ideas...please help!!!?

All we can do is fight, day and night. We have a 14 month old son and i want him to have a loving family. I love my hubby and don't want a divorce but i am out of ideas..doing the couseling thing already but it's not really helping. I am tired of feeling sad.Any advice on an unhappy mrriage?? I love my hubby but i am out of ideas...please help!!!?
Have you tried going to a good church? I just don't think marriage these days can work without God. That's my opinion. Best of luck to you. God bless.Any advice on an unhappy mrriage?? I love my hubby but i am out of ideas...please help!!!?
why don't both of you write down 5 things that the other can do to make you feel loved and promise to do it for the next few weeks and see if that helps. you can add to the list when ever you want to but not alot at once. also i would check out the book the five love languages. It really worked for me!!!!!!!
well, you gotta be more specific dear in terms of what kinda problems do you have before I guess anyone can really advice you!





Cheers!
Well all of these suggestions that these wonderful people have given u r great suggestions and I am saying it b/c I am going through the same thing too but I would say COMMUNICATION and ALSO GO OUT ON DATES LIKE YA LL USED TO WHEN YA LL WERE JUST BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS TRUST ME THAT WILL SPICE IT UP A LITTLE BUT GO OUT WITHOUT YOUR BABY I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO LEAVE UR BABY BEHIND BUT YOU HAVE TO B/C THERE ARE TIMES WHERE YA LL HAVE TO SPEND TIME ALONE AND QUIET AND ROMANTIC JUST HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT FINE.
OKAY YOU WEREN'T SPECIFIC, SO I'M GONNA TRY DIFFERENT SCENARIOS, AND YOU'LL KNOW WHICH SHOE FITS. OKAY COULD IT BE YOU'RE CONSTANTLY FIGHTING CUZ HE FEELS NEGLECTED CUZ OF THE BABY NOW BEING IN THE PICTURE. MAYBE YOU'VE CUT THE SEX OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.





NOW WHERE AS SEX IS NOT EVERYTHING, LADIES WE MUST REMEMBER THAT WE STILL NEED TO KEEP OUR MEN HAPPY IN THE BEDROOM! EVEN IF WE HAVE TO FAKE IT CUZ IF WE DON'T TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS JUST CUZ WE'RE FEELING DOWN AND YUCKY, GUESS WHAT BABY! YUP SOMEONE ONE ELSE IS GONNA HOP ON AND GO FOR YOUR RIDE! SO EVEN IF YOU NEED TO FAKE IT, DO IT. GIVE HIM THE ATTENTION HE CRAVES.





LOTS OF MEN ARE LIKE BABIES, OR KIDS IF YOU WILL, THEY NEED MOMMA'S ATTENTION TOO. SO IF YOU'RE NEGLECTING HIM, STOP IT. SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE. READ UP ON FASTASY ROLE PLAYING OR WHATEVER ELSE YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN. MAYBE GO TO THE ADULT STORE AND RENT A VIDEO OR BUY SOMETHING TO SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE. YOU HAVE TO BE OPENED MINDED AND HOPEFULLY HE IS TOO.





YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH, IF YOU DON'T WANNA, THEN DON'T DO IT GIRL! NEVER DO SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO JUST FOR YOUR PARTNER. DON'T DO SOMETHING YOU'LL LIVE TO REGRET JUST TO KEEP HIM HAPPY, CUZ YOU DON'T KNOW IF ONE DAY HE'LL LEAVE AND THEN WHAT!? WELL I'LL TELL YOU! YOU'RE SCREWED AND YOU'LL LIVE WITH THE GUILT AND REGRET ALL YOUR LIFE!





SO THEN, MAYBE YOU TWO FIGHT OVER MONEY. MAYBE THINK ABOUT FINDING SOME PART TIME WORK. SOMETHING YOU CAN DO AT HOME. SO MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO AT HOME AND GET PAID FOR IT. GO ONLINE AND LOOK IT UP. OR LOOK IN THE PENNYSAVER OR ADS. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A BABY AND DAYCARE IS RIDICULOUS, SO STAYING HOME IS A BETTER IDEA AND YOU STILL MAKE MONEY, MAKE THINGS LIGHTER FINANCIALLY AND YOU CAN STILL TAKE CARE OF THE BABY AND HUBBY. WIN WIN I SAY!





I ALSO THINK THAT YOU TWO SHOULD GO DATING! EACH OTHER OF COURSE. BUT SERIOUSLY, LIKE SAY MEET UP AT A PUB OR A CAFE AND PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER AND PICK UP ON HIM, VICE VERSA. THAT WOULD BE COOL! ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT! YOU HAVE TO KEEP FANNING THE FLAMES GIRL. NEVER LET THEM DIE OUT ON YOU!





AND IF YOU'RE IN THERAPY RIGHT NOW THAT'S A GOOD SIGN. IT MEANS HE'S WILLING TO WORK THINGS OUT. DON'T TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. DON'T TAKE HIM FOR GRANTED AND NEVER LET HIM TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED! YOU BOTH NEED TO LOVE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER.





BUT YOU DO NEED TO KNOW THAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT AND YOU REALLY TRIED! I MEAN REALLY TRIED, THEN IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT AND HE JUST ISN'T HAPPY AND HE WANTS OUT. IF HE WANTS OUT, THEN LET HIM GO AND GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE AT HAPPINESS WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL LOVE YOU LIKE YOU NEED AND DESERVE.





SO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND I REALLY HOPE THIS HELPS YOU IN SOME WAY. GOOD LUCK TO YOU. AND DON'T BE SAD, THERE'S HOPE YET! YOU'RE BOTH IN COUNSELING!
Maybe try another counsellor. It may work. Good luck!!!
First you have to ask yourself if your husband feels the same way and work from there. Because if he is not willing to work on the marriage then it may not be worth fighting for.
Maybe you should find another marriage counselor or sit down with hubby and lay everything on the table and communicate without yelling and screaming in a calm way. That is the mature way of bringing out the problems in your marriage. You two need to get to the root of the problem, be it whatever issue it is.


I will say one thing: If you are being physically abused you should get out of that situation immediately. If you are not and it is verbal, well, that's not really good either.


You two grown adults should realize what this fighting is doing to your precious child. Your baby feels what you feel and is reacting with fear and sadness when you so called adults squabble. Have you ever thought about that before? Do you want your baby to grow up with emotional scars because you two are fighting all the time?


Ask yourselves these questions. Just think about the effects that are happening to your baby now. You and your husband are doing permanent damage to your sweet little one. You both should grow up and be resposible to each other and the little one. Please excuse me for being so forward but you asked and I am just giving you my input as much as you probably hate hearing it, this is all true what I am telling you.





Good Luck with your relationship
May be its the sex in the bed room that is making you feel this way or maybe your asking your self is this all there is maybe bringing in another couple that you know or that you have met and bring them in to play or just quit with the daily routine and do some thing spontaneous
You need to take your baby and move on. Sure you will be sad for a little while. You may even cry. But you WILL get over it and you WILL move forward with your life. Your baby will be happier for it and you will have provided your baby a safe and healthy environment to grow up in.
Allow me to first say you are strong to have kept going you said you have tried counseling and it didnt work why not find out things for yourself first and i dont mean talkiing to your husband first but to yourself you two got married for a reason you love eachother now try and figure out why you dont really get along now it could be sumthin you know but neva really paid any attention to,after you things will be revealed to you ok hold and Good Luck.
No one can answer this question or give any kind of advise or relate their own experiences.


Why is it an unhappy marriage?


What is the fight about?


So you have a 14 year old son, okay


You don't want a divorce


you are out of ideas on what?


counseling did not uncover what the problem is?


You are tired of feeling sad because you do not know why?


Sorry, I don't know WHY either (?)


Talk with him why you are sad, ask him why he is sad. Lets start all over.
Hi! Its really sad to see your condition when you are unhappy with someone whom you love and want to be with. I guess no councelling really works unless two people involve in it realize the problem and how to reach towards the solution. i can give you a suggetion see if it works for you. Stay separate along with your kid from your hubby for sometimes and then you both may realize where you are exactly falling short and top of it are you guys missing each other in your lives. Its actually worked out with a couple I know. best of lucks.
you need to learn to have communication with each other. Work this out its part of life. Life will not be all good times there is times that we have to work thru








Best of luck
If you're feeling sad all the time, honey that's not good. Let him know that you've had enough of his bullshyt, and be firm about it. Tell him that you are demanding a change out of him, and if he refuses to get his self together.... starting laying around divorce cards and pamphlets...... he'll get the point!
hey you can do one thing. start chatting on yahoo messenger and add me to your friend list. we can discuss this in detail on chat. you need a nice punching bag to take off all your frustation. i really care for that little baby of yours and pray to you to stop these all things at the earliest.
Men suck they just do. but try either ignoring him completely or just giving the baby his every whim for a week either one will work to some extent. Good luck sweetie you have mysympathy and prayers. Ihope you get the family you want I really do.








(I meant him when I said baby not your little son)
try boundaries in marriage book for yourself and it gives hints about how to respond.





Good Luck and God Bless!!
i know it may sound drastic, but have you tried a trial separation? it may give you both some time and space to work out your feelings for each other.


Hope things work out for you, i really do. good luck.
i wish i could help u...........but only u can help urself.ill pray for u two,u three rather!!! god bless
This is a tough one and I feel for you. My opinion is that if you are unhappy and counseling isn't working to help you get along, then you should get out of it. Your son will still have 2 loving parents and you won't be miserable. Do you want your son to see you fighting all the time? Do you want to be unhappy until he turns 18 and moves out? I know you love your husband, but if you and he can't make it work, then maybe it's not meant to be.
Try this site, I have a kids and we are a busy family, this book has been wonderful to us http://www.reuniting.info/.


If not , try other literature. Dr Phils relationship rescue is supposed to be quite good.
Maybe he's just not used to having someone Else in his life. He'll come around, guys seem to feel as though their territory is being invade because you don't just belong to him anymore.
I d say.... Caring for some one who dosen't care for u is insane..... there is no point .... u r not happy and so is he and so is the rest of u r life gonna be.....
Counselors are no different than doctors, mechanics or lawyers. If this one's not helping, get referrals from friends or doctors and go somewhere else. Like every other job, some people are good at it and some aren't.
Separate for a while and then try to not live in the same house and work on your marraige while you are apart. Do you ever have alone time with your husband without the baby with you? Why do you fight so much and not get along?
How about taking a little vacation. Environment makes alot of difference.. if your out together away from work, family things wil be different and i think that's why you guys are fighting day and night its cuz of stress of work and family etc.... it happens in every relationship at one point and that's when you need to take a vacation go somewhere places to see and relax yourself and when you come back your a total different person...I hope this helps!
Yes, I also think you should give each other some space - maybe separate for a period and see how things go. That will be better for each of you, including your 14 month old son


good luck!
Communication is the key to a successful marriage. You guys need to talk out your frustrations, what is upsetting the other. Accept what the other says when they are saying it instead of accusing of false accusation. Listening is more important than speaking. When both speak and scream at each other no one is listening to each other.
Sounds like he is out of control. Leave him for a while and see what happens. Maybe he will see you are serious about making this work.


He won't change until he is ready.
Sounds to me darlin your trying to knock down a stone wall with a rubber mallet...
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