Help! I would love some advice on marriage! SORRY its a looong story?

My husband and I have known each other for a long time (met in H.S.)We got married 9 years ago,I was 23 and just beginning my teaching career and he was 25 just got out of the ARMY.A month later, pregnant!!Not too excited at first, but then our son became our everything.The issues began when our son was 2 and I was a stay at home mom.I became withdrawn from my husband, not interested in him, sex or love, but focused all my attention on raising our son.18 months later, I ';woke up'; and begged for forgiveness from my husband, and he accepted.We have been rebuilding, and had some great times and also rough times ( I am ADHD and fully admit to immaturity and being selfish).BUT NOW he says that what I did has affected him and his ability to love me and he has never regained the feelings he had for me, because I ruined what we began when we got married.He has struggled w/depression and says he isnt happy and just wishes that he could feel the way he did b4 but that he dosent know how.ADVICE?Help! I would love some advice on marriage! SORRY its a looong story?
Please try counseling again. You need an impartial third party to help both of you get through this.





Just because the first person you saw didn't help doesn't mean there aren't good counselors out there who will. My husband and I agreed that if either one of us didn't feel comforatable with the first counselor, we would keep looking until we found one we both liked.





Fortunately for us, we hit the jackpot on the first try, but I have heard crazy stories about people who have been to counselors and the ';exercises'; they are supposed to do. The only ';homework'; our counselor gave us was to set aside 15-30 minutes every day to talk, just the 2 of us, no kids, no TV, just us. Sometimes it was just the 15 minutes, but more often than not, we ended up having good, long discussions about us and our relationship.Help! I would love some advice on marriage! SORRY its a looong story?
Check this site out: http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=153 sounds like you guys are just going through a ';stage'; of sorts...
Read all the above answers. There is a lot of good advice in them. Finish grad school, enjoy graduation. Then the NEXT DAY, sit down in your hubby' s lap. Thank him for putting up with all your struggles. Apologize for not being able to give him the attention and effort he deserves. Tell him you love him very very much. You do not want a divorce. You want to grow old with him and enjoy grand kids with him. But you don't know how to fix it. Ask him what he thinks. Maybe you can leave the kid with grandparents and go away for a week or weekend and devote that time to each other. Be crazy, go skinny dipping, or don't wear any underwear, have car sex, whatever. Ask each other what you used to like to do that you don't do anymore. Then do some of those things. Then make time for each other. Have date nights. All these were suggestions that our marriage counselor made to us. They worked. Mostly it was the making time to be together and the putting of effort into our relationship again that rekindled the flames. Good luck. Our troubles were 30 yrs ago. It sure was worth the effort to fix things.
Relationships change. Yours was probably pretty drastic and he should be commended for staying with it and you should be commended for realizing your mistake.





But, they change and in a marriage, we are tasked with growing with that change. There is no sense lamenting what came before, just make the best of the relationship now. Don't spend your time looking behind you. Look ahead to the future and make it the best it can be.





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if he is willing to seek help a pastor wow will council you is the best good luck
he needs to go to the doctor and get treated for his depression
Have you been getting any help on coping with your ADHD? Sometimes this condition subsides or goes away completely when you become an adult, but yours is not one of those cases. Have you talked to your doctor about it to see what he would suggest. Sometimes, with therapy and/or some behavior modifications, you can control it without medication. Also, your husband should be treated for depression. He may need to be on medication for that and maybe therapy as well. It doesn't mean he'll have to have treatment the rest of his life, but to help him through this rough patch.


Do you love your husband and want to make it work? If you do, then really try to help yourself first so that you are the person you're meant to be. Be happy with yourself and love yourself, then start working on your marriage. Marriage counseling may help if you're both willing to try hard to make it work. You might want to spend some time alone together by having some date nights and also take walks together, do yard work together, or other chores and errands. Set some time aside every week or every other day, however often you think you need it, to talk over your feelings, thoughts, and ideas and to reconnect. Try to get to know each other as people, not just as ';husband'; and ';wife'; or ';mommy'; and ';daddy';. The romance will come back if you will begin to put each other first and start appreciating each other again.


It does take two of you to make it work, though.


I wish you the best of luck in rebuilding your relationship, your marriage and your commitment to each other and to that little boy!
Y'all need to sit down (maybe with a counselor or clergyman) and figure out why he's carrying this grudge. Make him see that he can live in an unpleasant past or build a very pleasant future.
You BOTH need to take small steps at a time and try to remember what made you so happy before the birth of your child. If you can start bringing a 'bit of that' back into your lives you can probably start moving forward.





I myself are 'sort of' in the same boat as you. I am a Stay At Home Dad (have been since our son was 3 months old, he's now 2) and I know that nearly all my attention has gone on raising our son and I haven't really paid to much attention to my wife. I know it does sound selfish as well, BUT, I truly do think that at times you HAVE to put your child before your happiness and hope that later on in life your partner and child will appreciate the 'sacrifice' you put yourself through.





Time will/should heal old wounds, but you just have to take things slowly and get to know each other again.





Good Luck! I hope everything turns out good for you!
Well! All I can say is that if any one gets hit on the head with a stick every time he walks by eventually he will avoid that route and learns to walk the opposite direction, my guess is that he is suffering a lack of self worth, when it comes to intimacy, you may both need to seek help, it may be too late,but as you have a child you have to try, you can show him that you really mean it,do not be too pushy, but little notes that he can find when he gets to work,little extra kind loving gestures, like run a hot bath for him, try to remember what he use to like, and most of all, try to remember what YOU use to be like, the girl he fell in love with.
Spend a Retrouvaille weekend together with out your son, it will do wonders for all three of you.
Granted you were only able to give a small part of the details, but it sounds to me like you two can easily fix this situation if you're willing to do the work required. I think you should seriously consider seeing a marital therapist. Having a neutral party involved can make you much more productive and you may be able to resolved this fairly quickly. In fact, as a therapist myself, I have heard this type of story thousands of times. It's normal for things to dramatically changed after a child comes into the picture. With focus and purpose, you can build something better than you ever had before. Good luck.
OK, I'm confused you said you focused on raising your son, or did you cheat. I understand how he may feel because he's questioning what he did wrong and why you felt that way. I would ask him if he wants counseling yeah he may be depressed because he isn't sure how to love you or even why he should love you maybe when you were focusing on your son he was going through something too, and that made him think you couldn't be there for him mentally. I would go to a Pastor, for spiritual guidance, I think prayer would help. I understand about wanting to rebuild but not having the strength to do so. Take time and ask him what he wants and try not to go off the deep end if he doesn't give you the answers your looking for. Good luck and God bless.
get a make over and buy some sexy clothes. start showing more intrest in him and tell him all the time how much you love him.
I would suggest marriage counseling for the two of you. It will help you better understand the feeling you both are having in your relationship and might help come up with solutions to help you save it. Also he really needs to get into individual counseling for his depression because depression can be a very devastating disability. I know i was depressed for 3 years before counseling and the right medicines pulled me through. I was also hell on my wife and my children during those 3 years.